$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
