i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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