He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk