so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.