Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've blown a few things in my day
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
