no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
