At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
