I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
