if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
