mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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