You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
