I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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