Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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