Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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