Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
