Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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