Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
