No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
