so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
