is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
