my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
