dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
