I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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