Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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