im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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