Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
