I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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