You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So squirting runs in the family.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
