The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
