I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
