I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
