she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
