you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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