just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
