The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
