Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
