oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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