Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
