We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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