he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
