I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
