Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
