..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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