I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have already put on my inside pants.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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