No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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