Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
