i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
