we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
