margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
