I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
