why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
