i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
