Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it because I queefed?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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