Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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