i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
