Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
