she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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