Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
