a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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