so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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