I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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