My friends, they love my intelligence
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
