If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
