I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
