Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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