If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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