You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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