I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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