Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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