I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
