Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize