allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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