you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
